of beautiful, and not-so-beautiful things

I took this picture before our first Monday night dinner of the year. I love that Anthropology (sale rack) dress and target shoes. I love the old 1930s built in dresser.  How many other women have gotten ready for dinners, dances, and morning class at this very vanity.  It's fun to think about it.

And it's beautiful you know, all those good thoughts, and a funky picture to go with it.

But there's part of that image you don't see: my stubbly legs, the bad hair as a result of poor hair spray application, how stressed out I am from running non-stop since 7am, and all the daily worries that plague my mind.

Today Jay and I talked on the phone.  We like to talk about blogging and our blogging "friends" as if they are real people in our lives, and in many ways they are.  How can they not be?  Many bloggers I have known for a few years, and have been keeping up with me for a long time.  Many offer sage advice and cheer me on (thank you).

I guess what we kind of came to is the fact that some people feel the need to portray their lives as perfect, ideal.  The reality of blogging is you can do just this, and it's probably psychologically positive for many.  I think the opposite is true.  Everyone knows there's no such thing as a perfect husband/boyfriend, always clean home, constantly well behaved children, and always stellar social life.  Yes, we need to look on the bright side, be optomistic, and blogs are not the place to divulge all the nitty gritty details of the negative.  I guess I say just f*ck it and tell the whole dang story (to an extent). 

Everyone has good and bad parts. 

Now, you are probably thinking that I don't share enough of the bad.  Of course, I don't want to expose myself too much.  Still, my life is most likely a lot less dreamy then you imagine/I portray (my fault).

I am constnatly second guessing myself when it comes to the big life decisions I've made.  I struggled for two years in a relationship with someone who yes, treated me like gold, but was addicted to drugs and alcohol.  I did not know this until the second year we were dating. This does not mean that I didn't put in my fair share.  I could be hard on him, and I'll own that.  Almost every day I struggle with my decision to get baptized, and at times I really doubt it.  I keep going though, and I guess that's just the reality. Endure to the end.  I am "put together" because I spend hours on being this way.  I should probably be having more fun than spending a lot of my free time reorganizing sh*t. I am a people pleaser.  I overextend myself. I am stubborn.   

Back to the point: Jay and I wondered if blogs are like mini PR campaigns.  I think so.  But what are we selling here?  Do you want people to think your life is perfect, and why do you feel the need to do so?  I am a bit guilty of this, and I think it's because we are selling something to people.  We're selling beauty and who really wants to read about huge bills in the mail or marital problems?  Is there some sort of middle ground?

Comments

[Shannon M.]

You my friend are an amazing writer! You really know how to put thoughts into words, and make a point! I loved this post because it really made me think. I know I prefer to share the happy parts of my life simply because I am afraid that if I share too much of the "not so pretty stuff" that the more put together people will judge me harshly and pull away because my not so sheltered life makes them uncomfortable. I was actually "advised" this last year to be careful what I share simply because it will offend some people if I share too much, and that I will be perceived as "over-chatty" about myself. So, I really try to keep a lot of my personal life out of the lime light now simply because I don't want to deal with any harsh judgements and lost friends. But then again, I guess I should just pick friends that really care about me and will take the time to hear me out even if my thoughts or experiences aren't so "peachy keen" that day. I guess it's just harder to blog about a bad day when you fear that your readers will judge you for it. But sometimes I just do it anyway simply because I need to vent!!!

[Jenee]

Excellent. This really represented our conversation. Hopefully enough women will read it and start to become a bit more "real." Just like Dove's "Campaign for Real Beauty," there needs to be a "Campaign for Real Life Drama." In fact,that's going to be my next post, echoing what you've said but differently. Loves it!

Jay

[heidi]

love the picture! I agree to a little about trying to portray that life is perfect in the blog world but in one way it can be good because it gets me in a good mood if I'm not. but i do like hearing peoples real stories too.

[Gemma]

I think it's a question that most bloggers struggle with I know that I do. You sort of feel that no one really wants to read about dirty dishes, how much your other half annoys you, work politics and the fact that Winter drawing in depresses the hell out of you. All things that at time I've written posts on and then deleted from my screen.

But more than that my blog is a place where I record my life for me, not just for other people and these are things I don't wish to be reminded of. Things that taint my life and bring it down rather than uplifting me and making me feel positive about it. Which is one thing that my blog has absolutely done. By blogging I have forced myself to find the beauty and the joy in the everyday which is something that was lacking in my life and by doing so I realise that the dark clouds and the mean reds aren't as all prevaling as I think they are. Plus, I am terribly embarassed by the state of my home and the mess it's in!

I thought a lot about it recently when I posted a picture of me for the first time on my blog. Hours of worry and choosing which photo, agonizing over weight, hair and spots. Only for me to have an outpouring of people asking me why I worried about these things?!?! It was a real eye opener and changed the way I feel about myself, which is something I am terribly thankful for.

I have to say one of the things I admire most about you is your ability to put yourself out there. Both in terms of pictures of yourself and the journey that you are on. I don't know if I could be as brave.

[Gemma]

Crikey! What a marathon! I am so sorry!

[Aundrea]

I came across your blog on Shannon's and have been reading a little in the past months. People were always telling me I should start a blog and your last entry was precisely why I didn't want to. I have a lot of crappy days, and I didn't want to portray myself as "June Cleaver". I finally did start one and I think I do tend to "pretty" things us a bit. I've vowed to myself to post the real-life too. I really do enjoy reading your blog though:)

[Lisa Brown]

What you say makes a lot of sense, and in fact, I have felt pressure to make myself appear to my best on my blog. Then I have to remember WHY I started my blog in the first place. It wasn't to impress people, but to keep my family and friends, who live so very far away, updated on my life. When I have my worst days, instead of blogging, I call them. So I guess I end up leaving a lot of the bad stuff out, which in turn, paints a much rosier picture of life than it really is.

[tommiea]

What you are saying makes complete sense....I have a personal philosophy about whining about the things you can't change. So many times I have to choose to look at the other alternatives.

I do write the occassional sappy things, but most of my blog is about the kids for their dad to see since he is deployed.

I have often wondered when he gets back (in less than 100 days I might add!!) will I gripe about him on there?? I guess come January we will see!

[paula]

I think there's a fair ground. Just like life, there are up and downs and I think we need to portray both ends of the spectrum. I was struggling with blogging for a while. I'm a journaler and have been since high school and there are things that I'd never want anyone to read so for me to start blogging, was kinda weird b/c I didn't want to be that detailed with my life good or bad. Lately I struggled with it after my last post abour infertility and on numerous occassions wanted to delete my post because it was really personal and not as cheery as some of the blogs I read with beautiful pics, but I've come to the realization that other people go through some of the stuff I do. For that, I decided to not delete it and to go if they feel the same. I don't like coming across as if I'm "selling myself" so hopefully I'm not because that's not why I write. I write because of the solidarity with others, for friends and family to read if they so choose, and for the simple fact that I spend way too much time on the comp now and not enough time writing in my journals so I might as well....I like reading your blog and hope you keep, "keeping it real"... messy hair or not...LOL:)
Always,
PAula