Creole Wisdom

admire

Grandma Goetz and I in her kitchen, 1987?

I started thinking about how much I truly admire my grandparents today.  These were people who lived through the very worst and best times our country had to offer.  I am stunned at the amount of responsibilities they had, the trials, and the joys. 

My relationship with my grandparents has never been ideal.  Having grown up away from them (mom's were in PA, dad's were in OH), I wasn't near them often.  Also, as it often happens, because perhaps my parent's experience as children was perhaps not always perfect had an effect on the way I perceived them, too.  People are not perfect, and while this is a really mean thing to say, I hated my grandma for a long time.  I suppose a great deal of it had to do with the way she treated me.  She grew up during the depression; with an abusive, alcoholic father and had to sneak off to mass because he hated Catholics (not sure how he ended up marrying one!)  She married young and after having 4 children her husband was killed tragically in a roadside accident.  Amelia then remarried and went on to have 5 more children.  Things were not easy, and perhaps my mom did not always "fit" into the family.   There was the whole attitude that "poor = happy" and so it was hard.  I cannot imagine knowing some of my family's circumstances as an adult what it was like to have to always have mom, dad, and myself as a reminder.  Mom had a cleaning lady, that was unheard of.  It's really too bad how economics have to get in the way sometimes.

Being too young to truly understand all of this I assumed my grandma didn't like me because my parents' were divorced.  It was such a burden for me growing up, and I suppose some of the not-so-nice comments about dad that she should of kept to herself caused me to think that way.  I stopped speaking to her in the 7th grade.   Things have gotten better over the years, and I have learned to see her the woman she is. 

I admire her.  She raised 9 children in a nearly 2 century old house.  She worked.  She stayed at home.  When the doctors told her that my Aunt Susan would never learn to sit up and would die she took matters into her own hands and raised her to be an independent adult.  She taught her children to be proud of their German heritage and helped them learn valuable life skills.  While perhaps she did not always make the perfect choices she did her best.

camera goodies

Well, I finally got a new camera case.  I had been carrying around this ancient tamarack thing that wasn't even made for the canon I have.  So it was off to office depot and I found this cutie.  I did check out the crumpler bags that everyone raves about, but they weren't "me." 

I also had to buy a card reader.  My professor said that it's often dangerous to upload pictures right from your camera (it wastes battery and files can get lost).  He recommends these and I found one for pretty cheap. 

Tomorrow I'm off to buy new paper; premier luster and epson enhanced matte.

Just wanted to pass on the knowledge!

tired

Okay, well recently I've been really tired.  I have a new schedule this semester: only morning classes, which is so nice since I am a "night worker," anyway.  I thought it would be fun for you to see what I do in a typical Monday:

-7:30 am wake up
-9:05-12:00pm Photography
-12:20-1:10pm French
-5pm AOII dinner & meeting (which lasts until 10 sometimes, no I'm not kidding)
-2am Bedtime (yeah, I know)

But you, know, I kind of like it.  I never have been a big fan of wasting time sleeping my life away (which was last semester if you wanted to know). 

So far I'm really enjoying photography, and we have some pretty big assignments coming up.  Just in a few days I've learned so much, and I should have seeing that I was 100% "self-taught" before hand.

Okay the Matt update: We talked, things are good now.  Sometimes we have bad days and our doubts outweigh the good stuff.  He felt bad, I felt bad.  Last night we went out for Chinese and got ready to go to my sorority sister's going away party (she studying in Amsterdam next semester).  That of course led us to a frat party at Beta where I got to introduce Matt to a lot of my Greek buddies whom he's never seen.  It was great, good times.  I am so thankful.  Life is good.

Two days ago I talked to my good friend who used to be a missionary, Lindsey.  I called her for advice re: the Matt situation and all my other little trials in my two-decade existence.  She said, "Katie, you're a self-sacrificer one-hundred percent.  You are always serving other people, and sometimes you don't take care of yourself."  I suppose I should put a little bit more "me" into my life. 

Men are complicated!

i hate this

Sometimes, I truly and honestly do not understand him.  My sorority sister Claire and I are going through very much of the same thing with our "boyfriends" right now.  Why are men so indecisive?  "I love you so much, please be my wife someday" to "I don't know anymore."  Ugh.  Make a decision and stick with it, for the sake of my sanity. 

It's  not secret that I have a hard time balancing my life.  I don't really know how many hours to devote to school, friends, the sorority, the boyfriend, cleaning, etc...  I need a manual,and there aren't any.  I am trying to learn.  When it was long distance every time we saw each other was vacation; sleep in late, go out to eat, hang out at the beach, not have any work/stress.  And he had all my attention/devotion. 

Matt has a hard time grappling with the fact that we are not kids and we can never go back to our old high school lives, moving home will not equal the life he had before college.

And doubts.  We both have doubts, and there's no denying that.  I sometimes think, oh screw this and let me find a nice mormon guy, have 5 kids, and live happily ever after!  But, I just can't imagine a life without Matt, we have been through so much and understand so much about each other. 

This past month has been hard.  With all the old roommate/landlord (sorry if I didn't e-mail all of you, I have been so busy!) to me moving and of course when mom had surgery I was with her.  He spent a lot of time alone over break, and I feel bad for that, but it's probably where his mind went wild.  Oh well.   

We love each other, but we're not sure about the future.  Note to self: Gemini men = indecisive. 

100 pictures

That is my assignment for next Monday: take 100 pictures at different exposures and apertures. 

It's such a cool class: small and everyone has their own stream-lined mac.  Two days ago we went around that art building and shot in pairs.  Love the chance to be able to do something fun like this, I really am going to have a good semester. 

Taking 100 pictures.  Hmm, and what am I supposed to do?  I guess just capture life and everyday stuff that seems mundane.  In turn I've been actually learning how to take good b&w pictures with the camera (usually I process from color in photoshop after uploading).  I'm find my favorite settings, too.  Here is what I've come up with so far: 100 pictures

Recently it's been freezing.  January is usually the coldest and snowiest month around here, it seems surreal to remember 100 degree weather and jeans without long underwear.   I guess that really justifies why all of my photos so far have been taken inside.  If you were here you'd get it! 

hate not here

The amount of hate I see in the world today utterly disgusts me.  I guess I never truly realized and was in fact very naive to the mentalities and rationality behind it all.  The black history class I took at Sarah Lawrence taught me so much, but what it truly did not prepare me for were the realities of covert discrimination alive and well in America...

I started early on a project for one of my classes (speech), and when I get into things I dive head first and won't stop to come up for air unless I really need it.  I've started to investigate and what I've found out there is sickening.  I know, you're going to say- why read material that you know is wrong and harmful/hurtful towards you?  I don't know the answer.  I was intruiged, I guess.

There are lots of websites, message boards, blogs, and online alliances formed on the sole basis of hate towards another group of people.  I ventured into this territory armed not with my heart on my sleeve (as that is what can get me into trouble), but a dang near thick skin.  I saw something funny, a college student, like myself, who linked her profile to myspace.  Of course that led me to look her up on facebook, and I could view her friends.  Her posts on the site I looked at were incredibly offensive, xenophobic, and racist.  Shocking I guess to find that several of her friends on facebook were not of the background which she deemed acceptable.  Clearly someone is living a double life.  Now here is where the "crazy" comes out in me.  I e-mailed 1 of her "friends."  I linked her profile, posts, and hateful messages and let him know what type of person he calls a "friend."  I know it was a controversial and maybe not the correct thing of me to do.  However, I would hope someone would do the same for me, if there shoe were on the other foot. 

Which leads me to my next point; I always find it funny when people least expect you to belong/find agreement with a group of people they do not associate you with to begin.  For instance the stuff I hear about the LDS faith truly disturbs me.  How many times have I put my foot down and had to correct them?  Or politics.  So many people go off on how "republicans are _______ " and once again... there I am! 

I guess I'll be the first to make a wrong a right. 

back at the same old game

Me, organizing the pantry, circa 1989.  Notice the green atrocity in the background?

I've been organizing again, and it feels so good.  During break I cleaned out my entire bedroom, including my closet and dresser.  Last week it was my desk, which was truly out of control.  Since I'm moving over the weekend it's so nice to have it all in order.

Bookstore buys for today:
-4 black folders
-4 multi colored notebooks (which match binders)
-2 yellow highlighters
-2 mechanical pencils, 3 pens

I also ran into the sorority's sweetheart, and in turned scored 2 free French books!   Perhaps due to the fact that I have some incriminating photos from formal!

One really fabulous and also dorky thing that I enjoy is my label machine.  I actually "borrowed" it from my parent's office supplies 2 years ago... 

Everything is labeled, organized, and sadly ready for tomorrow. 

the news

Well, I have a little exciting secret.  I'm moving.  Yes, the drama became too much for me to bear, and I found a safer, better, but slightly more expensive place closer to school.  I am thrilled.  The furniture is provided, there are three other roomies, and get this; I get my own bathroom.  Oh, the thrill of it all.  So here are the "before" pictures:

Now, if you want the drag down details of the ridiculous dramatics please e-mail me and I'll indulge you and in return, gain your sympathy.

Some neat perks that come with the new place:
-Pool, hot tub, and patio with bbq outside
-Free tanning (mom does not advise!)
-Darts, ping-pong, and pool
-Workout area (yikes, I am so intimidated)
-Hang out commons
-Office with free printing and faxing

All  a quick walk from campus.  Life is good. 

On another note, I noticed this on the ever-cool, Shannon's blog :
It's me -- from A to Z

The letter A
What annoys you? Those political bumper stickers.  I hate them.  Like the Kerry/Edwards ones on the Subarus (it's 2007, folks).  Or the baby in the womb that says: life begins at conception.  It irks me.  I despise it, it's as if to say: here I am, you better believe this, too!  It just inspires road rage…

The letter B
Who is your best friend?  Miss. Jenee Henry.  We had to have met in pre-life, because when we joined up at Sarah Lawrence in Komozi's first year study class (which he was 10 minutes late for, lol) it was like a reunion of sorts.

The letter C
What is your favorite candy? Sour patch kids.  For some reason they are really hard to find in Portland, and they have to be Sour Patch brand.  Thank God I moved back, movies are enjoyable again!

The letter D
Do you daydream? You better believe it, about all the non-traditional stuff: houses, future kid's names, new socks, ways to organize my life, oh and food- I am a major food daydreamer…

The letter E
Have you ever been in the emergency room? No, and I pray I never have to go.  Hospitals and the entire health care world frighten me.  Those places smell funny, I don't like people touching me, and scary big needles. 

The letter F
Do you use flyswatters? We used to spend summers up at Madeline Island, and I would go crazy with the flyswatter.  Now days I just kill em' with a Kleenex.

The letter G
Do you chew gum?  On occasion, I don't like anything but food or drink in my mouth. 

The letter H
Your height.  I am 5 ft. 6 almost 7 inches tall!

The letter I
Have you ever ice skated?  Are you kidding?  I even have my very own white ice skates!

Do you play an instrument?  Violin (age 8-14) and Piano (age 14-18)

The letter J
What's your favorite jelly bean?  No thank-you.

The letter K
Where did you have kindergarten? Eden Prairie, Minnesota.  Mrs. Forslev.  Peter pan collar blouse, gray uniform jumper, and knee socks. 

The letter L
Are you laid back? Depends.  Matt would say no.  I have been told I am quite prim and proper and can fly off the handle.  Others say I'm extremely calm and grace under pressure.  If something is affecting my life I'm not, in regards to other people I'm cool as a cucumber.

The letter M
Do you like mangos?  Um, I guess if I knew how to cut/peel them I'd like them.  For now I'll stick to apples and strawberries. 

The letter N
Do you have a nickname? Well from mom: pumpkin head, Katie-Lou.  Dad: pumpkin head, tweetie bird, "Barbara" (sister 1), "Emily" (sister 2), or "Louise" (mom).  Matt: Hillary, as in Fresh Prince of Bell Air, oh how funny…

The letter O
What's your one wish? Eternal happiness and fabulous hair. 

The letter P
What one fear are you most paranoid about?  Matt dying.  I am so weird, I have been known to call his work to ask if he has left yet.  I'm afraid of him getting: run over by a car or shot. 

The letter Q
Are you quick to judge people? Yes.  I'm an ESTJ.  Guess what the "J" stands for?

The letter R
Do you watch reality TV? Used to.  Now I am addicted to "Lost," and I like to pretend it's real. 

The letter S
What's your favorite season?  Autumn.  I love the changing leaves and going back to school. 

The letter T
What time did you wake up? 8:00 AM usually. 

The letter U
Are you wearing underwear? You better believe it, and it's brand new!

The letter V
What's the worst veggie?  Carrots, cauliflower, and anything raw.  Basically anything my Stepdad calls a salad. 

The letter W
Worst habit.  Too much time on the computer and sitting on the couch wasting my life away.

The letter X
Have you ever had an x-ray? Yes, when I was 17 for my cavity filled teeth/getting ready for wisdom teeth removal (which has yet to happen because I am lazy)

The letter Y
What year were you born in?  1986, tail end.  Come and take a look through my baby albums, I had quite the eyebrow raising wardrobe. 

The letter Z
What's your favorite zoo animal?  Polar bears.

And another good bit of news.  I have a brand new second cousin.  Baby Conner joined our family in November.  What a sweetie.

Hm, I've noticed recently that nearly everyday I update this blog.  What spoiled readers you all are!  But be prepared for a smack down come Tuesday, school starts and I'm taking 16 very big credits:

Geology + Lab (haha, but it's the easy science, Geology of Cinema.  It's about misconceptions of geology in film, what luck!)
Public Speaking (very first major class, exciting!)
French (m-f for one hour, intense)
Digital Photography (thrilling, no?)

Total bookstore charges as of today: $325.50 ouch

and... action

Ta-da!

It's me!  Miss Jay inspired me this week, and since I'm home I have the lovely task of cleaning my parent's house. 

Wardrobe: we're not at a fashion show here, folks.  Girlfriends have to de-glam sometimes ; )

The ugly: Their kitchen was out of control, blame it on a certain man who hates to wash up after himself, I am not naming names!

Side note: This hunk of a thing is the bane of my existence. 

Well, that's it.  I hope you enjoy my first video blog post!  Hopefully there will be more to come.

personal style

I've been starting to contemplate my own personal style.  I'm sure you're thinking I am way behind, so late on this.  Well, to be honest, I never think about it.  I just go with what I love, make a note of it, and keep going...

My 2peas/"blog" friend (she actually has her own website) Amanda offered to create a font from my handwriting, for free.  Do I luck out with online people or what?  So a while back I wrote out my writing and ta-da today I got:

I guess in many ways this makes it possible for me to abide by my scrapbook resolution of "using" my handwriting more!

Yesterday mom and I went to the big public library downtown, there's a large one out here in the suburbs, but for the fun of it we decided to go.  Very cool place, and I picked up a few delicious goodies:

Oh, wow!  Yes, this is it.  Finding color choices for scrapbooking or nearly anything is going to be much easier now.  I am "okay" with color on my own, but would like to get better.  I recommend this one to anyone.  Inside, there are pages and pages of tri-color schemes that make your mouth water.  Great.

Now, for this next one you've got to know: my mom is Pensylvanian-Dutch, and therefor I grew up in an Ethan Allan home, and we love what we know, right?  My grandmother actually lives in the oldest house in her country, very cool place- So, I am forever a "city" girl, but isn't the city mouse always vying for country life?  It's  also because I am such an American History nut.  Fanatic.  I got an A in AP United States History ("APUSH," as we used to say).  I am forever obsessed with this country and its past.

I'd love to say that I am super cool and have Williamsburg ties, or I could brag like Matt who is of Mayflower blood, but oh this is so neat.  The book is full of toile (makes me crazy), French silk, and cameos hanging on walls...

Now, some French Country nut must of gone a day ahead because their selection was entirely cleared out, but that's what caused me to stumble upon my last choice.  For some reason Ireland has always interested me, I think because English history is much more apparent and we learn so much more about England.  But, God, it looks really cold there...  no wonder everyone has a fireplace in all the rooms.

Now, I pieced all this together and I think I'm going to start seriously thinking about my "style."  I should make a few lists and start to implement it more in my everyday, especially scrapbooking.